8 Frequently Asked Questions about Your New Home in Breezeview Falls, a master-planned community©
On behalf of the Breezeview Falls Community Association Team, CONGRATULATIONS and welcome to your forever home! We are always excited to welcome our newest residents and help answer any questions you might have about your new community.
1. What type of amenities are offered?
As you know, Breezeview Falls offers five swimming pools, an outdoor relaxation area with fire pits and comfortable furniture, our 10-acre tropics-inspired amenity THE COVE with a white sand beach for swimming and kayaking, a fully-stocked snack bar, sacrificial alter, fitness center, and our beloved 18-hole frisbee golf course. Good luck beating Craig, though. He’s our resident frolf champ! If you have any questions about amenities, feel free to contact the community’s Lifestyle Department.
2. As a new resident, how do I access these amenities?
All residents access the amenities via an access card. You’ll receive your access card upon move-in at the initial New Member Ceremony.
3. I’m a nature nut. What kind of outdoor activities are available?
We love taking advantage of the 600 acres of green space, parks, creeks and trails that are a part of our exclusive community. We host outdoor movie night (the kids will go nuts for Trolls World Tour sing-a-long!), an annual Independence Day parade, our famous Night of the Beast luau, and a quarterly 5K family fun run. We should warn you – no one runs as fast as Craig! Not after he was anointed and appointed as our superior leader. Please refer to your Resident Handbook for more information.
4. Is there a Homeowners’ Association? What are some of the rules?
In order to keep our community safe, we have implemented an HOA to enforce a simple set of rules. For instance, no boats or RVs may be parked within sight of another resident. All service work must be completed by 6pm on weekdays. Human sacrifice is allowed only in the designated green space with a permit. All sacrifices must be made in the name of Craig (MAY HE BE SAVED) to and for our god-king Moloch (ALL HAIL, PRAISE BE HIS NAME!) The Rituals Team is happy to assist with permits during their office hours, Monday through Friday, 9am to 4pm. Street parking is permissible so long as local municipal parking laws are obeyed.
5. I have friends and family who want to visit and enjoy THE COVE. Are there guest passes available?
THE COVE is our 15-acre water recreation hub with sparkling clear waters and too-good-to-be-real white sand beaches, all right inside your Breezeview Falls community. This resident-exclusive recreation area is the perfect place to swim, relax, initiate new members, kayak or paddleboard (note – floatation device must be worn at all times for water sports). The white sand beaches lead you into deliciously climate-controlled waters that stay 78 degrees year-round. Our god-king, Moloch, the reason for our prosperity, lurks beneath the waves ever watchful. All hail Moloch! All households will have five complimentary one-day use guest passes each calendar year for use at THE COVE. Each additional guest pass will incur a $25 fee per pass.
6. I’d like to move out of Breezeview Falls? What are my options?
Unfortunately, the application and acceptance process of Breezeview Falls is pre-ordained in advance by Moloch himself whose word is doctrine. If you’re interested in moving, you can make an appointment with Craig to discuss which family member you are interested in sacrificing and/or plans for an alternate family to take your place. Additionally, any pre-paid HOA fees are non-refundable and will be retained by the community upon your death/departure.
We are so excited for you to join us in this exclusive community until the end of days as is foretold in the prophecy. Welcome home!